Advice – The Big Insertion

The first time a couple sees each other playing is memorable in both exciting and nerve-wracking ways. First off, on the good side, seeing your partner having pleasure can be extremely pleasurable. On the other hand, there are natural jealousies that can crop up and distract from what should be an amazing experience. To some extent, the Delphic maxim “Know Thyself,” is just as important in swinging as in every other part of life. However, for the Big Insertion, there is only so much you can do to prepare.

Our suggestion is to, first off, talk through with your partner what you expect your reactions will be on seeing each other playing with others for the first time. Talk about where you think your jealousy lines might be and where you will probably be comfortable. Also, have an understanding in stone that you will walk away if either of you get too uncomfortable. (We have a code phrase for this as do many couples.)

Your first couple, many times is a spontaneous thing, but if you have the chance to deliberately take the step together then find a couple with some experience (it really is better than two brand new couples fumbling through it all.) Express to the experienced couple just exactly where you are on the journey and what your hopes and fears are for the experience. Also, let them know up front that, as absolute newbies, you might balk at some things or even pack up and leave if either of you get slightly uncomfortable. The experienced couple should be understanding; they’ve been there.

We also suggest you start with controlled touching (dipping your toes in the water) like through the clothes brushing of erogenous zones. We do this with a dice game (see Advice - Breaking the Ice with Dice!) This gives you a chance to see your partner get her breasts stroked through her shirt, reach out and touch a man’s crotch or conversely see a woman touching your man’s crotch. You can learn a lot about your probable reactions to real play by this casual touching.

Also, we suggest that when you come to the merge (as they say in fighter pilot jargon), try and time it out so you are both doing your initial real play touch at the same time. This will allow you to dull any jealousy of your partner with the pleasure you are receiving at same time. You may think, “that man is putting his penis in my wife!” But, at the same exact time, you are thinking, “I’m entering a new lady and her moans are like a drug!”

So, to sum it all up, for your first full on play:

1. Talk it out ahead of time – what are your probable red lines and struggle zones?

2. Pick an experienced couple – So much easier than fumbling with other newbies struggling with their own issues

3. Communicate with the couple – let them know how apprehensive you are about certain things and that you may well bail out if needed

4. Go slow – start soft and work up to hard. See how you react at each level

5. Time it out – try to time out your initial hard play to give you something to think about at the same time